Bear Safety In Alaska


Legion of Doom, Lincoln Elementary, and robbing naked dudes

OK.  So here’s how it is.  

My mom was kind enough to email me an article that she knew would be of interest to me.  The title of the email was “for your reading pleaure”.  I instantly knew it was good.  All the email had in it was a link to the an Owatonna People’s Press article.  For those of you who don’t know, Owatonna, MN is where I grew up and lived for the first 18 years of my life.  My parent’s still live there, and the People’s Press is the news source in print form for this town of 20,ooo people.  It is not a good publication.

Upon clicking on the link, I see a headline: Man makes victims disrobe, charged for aggravated robbery.  I thought to myself, “self, your mom knows your kind of humor.”  Little did I know the surprise that was awaiting me.  

The story proceeded to tell me that:

“According to the criminal complaint, two juveniles snuck out of a parent’s home and met up with a third juvenile to visit a friend’s home.  The three juveniles entered the home but did not find anyone there. They went looking for their friend in the basement but as they begin to leave the basement, they found [a man] at the top of the stairs.  [The man] allegedly pushed the three back into the basement and accused them of attempting a robbery. [He] made them empty their pockets, leaving two cell phones, about $11 in cash and a prescription inhaler. One of the juveniles estimated the man kept them in the basement for about five to 10 minutes before he ordered them to strip naked and carry their clothes upstairs with them. [He] then ordered the juveniles to throw their clothes on the floor and run outside naked.”  

Funny story.  Scary for the kids, no doubt, but love the part about when the dude made them take their clothes off..other than the fact that it’s really creepy.  The part about the story that really piqued my interest is the name of the the guy charged.  I took it out of the paragraph above to keep you in suspense, but his name is…Justin Sellner.  Ok, so what’s the big deal about that you might ask?  

Let me give you some facts about Justin Sellner:

  1. Justin Sellner is approximately the same age as me…that’s how old I am!
  2. Justin Sellner is from Owatonna, MN…me too.  
  3. Justin Sellner went to Lincoln Elementary School (home of the RoadRunners)…so did I.  
  4. Justin Sellner was “Hawk” from the Legion of Doom (Road warriors) for halloween in  3rd grade.  His dad even shaved his hair into a mohawk for extra realness factor.  How do I know?  I was there, sucka.  

    legion of doom

    legion of doom

  5.  Justin Sellner once played the game “bloody knuckles” with Mr. Olsen in 5th grade…his knuckles bled.  How do I know?  I watched in amazement.  
  6. Justin Sellner had a rattail for most of the 12 years I went to school with him…impressive huh?  I know I saw it.
  7. Justin Sellner introduced me to a lot of words that I had never heard before.  
  8. Justin Sellner is going to jail for 8 years.

This blew my mind.  Ok, not really.  In fact, there was probably a time in my life where I said, “I bet Justin Sellner spends at least 8 years of his life in jail”.    

Has anyone that you spent a lot of time with gone to jail for a long time?  Please comment and let me know.  It was a weird experience for me.  Apparently he had been charged a couple of years ago as well with kidnapping and armed robbery or something crazy.  The article said that they found some incriminating things at his house…including, but not limited to a hammer in a sock, a knife, and the kids’ phones and their money.  

Wow.  I wonder if he has a rattail?